CHUONI 254: Mercy Simatwo

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FIVE TIPS TO OVERCOME SCANDALS THE KENYAN WAY.

How to overcome Scandals in Kenya

Life in this country has taught me a whole lot of things. If Kenya was a teacher, perhaps I'd have to part with tonnes of diamonds to acquire this knowledge. I thank God that learning life and its lessons is free of charge. I am generous, I'll share some of my knowledge. Please take notes. The topic of discussion is: HOW TO OVERCOME SCANDALS THE KENYAN WAY.

Without further ado, you SHOULD do the following:

1.) Deny, Deny, Deny.

How many times did I write that? For emphasis purposes, keep denying. Even the "James Bond" guy denied ‘dandiaring’ the helicopter yet there were many witnesses hehee. This guy though. He was doing the right thing. You even go ahead and swear an affidavit that the only time you saw the "wrongdoer" was on TV. Or better yet just say you have NEVER set your eyes on the culprit. It never goes wrong.

2.) Disappear for a while.

After perpetual denial, go into oblivion for a while. Is the world of blogosphere tormenting you by talking about your alleged divorce? Take a leave from work so that you can seek solace. Stress is not good for anyone. You can also insist that you are stepping down on medical grounds. Who would want to stress a sick person anyway? This is the wisest step to take.

READ ALSO: Beware of Con men & Con-friends who will never pay debt.

3.) Do not respond.

Kenyans on Twitter ( KOT ) are a very notorious lot when it comes to trying to get on your nerves. They could revive a hashtag that was used on your wedding day especially when the rumors of your divorce are seen. But this should not worry you. Play dumb. Keep off social media for a while. They will eventually get tired of talking. They might come up with hashtags like #SoAndSoMustGo but let it not get to you. Pretend that they do not even exist.

4.) Re-appear to redeem yourself.

People will somehow forget about your scandal after a while. They will even miss you and ask about your whereabouts. An exclusive interview with one of the TV stations will come in handy. You should be well prepared for this. Ensure that after the interview everyone wants to stand with you. Or better yet explain how your life is doing okay after the divorce. How you still love your ex-husband despite his 310 prayers. Make them pity you. An instagram post is not also a bad idea. The caption should be able to tell them of how you have been going through hell but you have finally overcome. Tell them you are now back to work feeling revamped.

READ ALSO: Corruption: The Litle one knows it too.

5.) Go for an elective position
Congratulations you made it to the political arena. Kenyans love scandalous leaders. Trust me, you will hardly make it in politics if you are "too clean." Tell the people that you have decided to heed to their advice about contesting for an elective position. Promise to bring change.

Thank me later!!!By: Mercy Simatwo

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CORRUPTION : THE LITTLE ONES KNOW IT TOO

Even babies know it too.

I love babies. They are too awesome. I was babysitting my little cousins over the weekend. I can be a good nanny hehee. Perhaps my next business should be a daycare. It is going to bring on some diamonds, right?

Away from that they mentioned to me something that got me thinking. They were playing games on my phone and there was one who wanted to play more times than the other. ‘Cha haramu’. Who still remembers that?

READ ALSO: Beware of hostile friends who will never pay debts.

Suddenly one of them says, “Wacha Corruption”. I was like-did I get that right? Did she just mention corruption? For goodness sake she is only four years. I laughed at her and asked her to define corruption for me. She said that involves someone achieving or acquiring things in the wrong way. Damn, she has an idea. Am translating what she said verbatim.

Now even the little ones know it. Am not surprised that they do. What do we expect in a nation that corruption is the order of the day? I felt like interrogating them even more to find out what else they know. What other concepts could they be having knowledge of? I feared that if they went on there would be the mention of eurobond, assassination and what have you.

By Mercy Simatwo. Join the conversation by following her on Twitter @MissSimatwo

Do you have a story/article you would like to share with us? Kindly send the article to: chuonikenya@gmail.com and we shall publish your article for free. Thank you.

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The relationship between 'public institutons' & poor service delivery !!

Poor service is what we hate.

There was this day I went to see an optician in some public hospital. What made me so disappointed is the fact that I had to go there for a couple of times before I could finally see the doctor. I was not the only patient of course. So you can imagine the long queues and what have you.

Try to think of any public institution in the country. Be it- a school, a hospital, a university or a public office. Think of the services offered in these institutions. At times, there is just a sorry state of affairs. Am not implying that public institutions are entirely characterized by poor service delivery.

When free primary education was implemented by the NARC government. It was a relief to many Kenyans since they could finally access affordable education. Over the years the quality of education has been reduced because of being rendered free. The teacher to student ratio is not satisfactory. There is a lot of overcrowding in classrooms.

Then to the universities- the public university students usually go on rampage for all the reasons in the world. Ever seen private university students going on strike? Am yet to see. Ever thought it could be because there is laxity on the side of the administration?

To public hospitals- strikes, inadequate personnel, lack of medicine is what goes on
every day. The devolution of health seems to have brought more problems to the sector.

The scenerio in public offices is not far from that. You never expect to be served efficiently in a public office. Keyword - NEVER. In most cases you have to part with some money to get things done.

A large number of the people who attend public schools, public universities, the people who go to public hospitals are the common wananchi. Which means these
institutions are for the “have nots”.

Is it safe to say that anything that is public is directly congruent to poor service delivery?

Do you have something to add to this article? Please leave a comment on the comment section below.

By Mercy Simatwo. Jon the conversation by following her on Twitter [@MissSimatwo]

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How Campus life has evolved over time!!! Change on the Flip Side.

University Of Nairobi Students spotted in one of the night clubs in town. CREDIT:KenyaPoa

My mum is always ranting about the lifestyle of most university students. She constantly says, “this is not the university we used to be”. I often tell her that anatuonea. I don’t know how many people share the same sentiments as her. Trust me most folks do.

I stopped to wonder- why do most people think from this perspective? There are reasons here and there. I mean campus life has evolved over time. The kind of evolution as the early man. Still remember that history stuff- hell yeah I do.

Look at that from this point of view:

There was no killing each other because of some love triangle. Love is becoming a costly affair in campus.
There were no sponsors. The people who make those “goals” be achieved. I mean the iphone goals.

READ ALSO: Stand with the transgender community in Kenya.
There were no stupid sex parties in the name of civilisation. Those parties that are all about getting high and twerking.
There was no cohabiting. You lived together only when you were pronounced as man and wife.
Girls did not dress skimpily to show those "legs for days" and be viewed as “sexy”.

Gone are the days of notion- dress in clothes that tight enough to show that you are a woman but loose enough to show that you are a lady.

Now that’s it. Life has changed. Unfortunately on the flip side. But as I always say if it is what is termed as civilisation, I’ll remain the village girl I have always been.

BY: : Mercy Simatwo

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Why don't people critique constructively and in an objective manner ? - TeamPositivity

CREDIT: satwordsdaily.com

Wise people speak because they have something to say while stupid people because they have to say something. Sometimes it is just better to shut up if you have nothing constructive to say.

I was added to this Facebook group(name withheld). Without my consent of course. It happens to everyone, right? So I decided to sit back and see what the group had to offer. It is a group that is anti-government. I have no problem with that. Remember that freedom of expression is even provided for in our constitution. My problem comes in with the kind of insults leveled up against some leaders in government.

READ ALSO: Communication Could help manage rampage in public universities

Why don’t people critique constructively. Condemn the injustices, the corruption e.t.c. but in an objective manner. At times people hate for no good reason. Why are they so angry with the world? I don’t have time to hate, I better focus on the things that are worthy of my time.

The concept of being entitled to an opinion is not directly proportional to hating. Ever logged into your Facebook or Twitter and you bump into so much hate that you are left speechless? That happens to me all of the time. We keep on hating and in the long run we are on the losing end.

Try asking yourself if what you post will elicit negativity before clicking on “send’. Let’s spread some positive vibes. Positivity for life. Leaving you with this as food for thought:

People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you with their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.”~Steve Maraboli

#TEAMPOSITIVITY

By: Mercy Simatwo

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Universities should open Communication Channels to manage rampage and destruction of properties.

UoN students set Sonu offices a blaze on April 4, 2016 while protesting against the re-election of Babu Owino as the student union's chairman. Photo Credit: Nation Media Group

I woke up this morning to some hashtag #SaveUON. Am like-save them from what? So students were striking because of someone overstaying in power. The typical African way. You become president for life. Anyway that's a story for another day.

I don't want to fault anybody. It isn't my type of game. The University of Nairobi is not the first university to go on rampage. Have you ever asked yourself why students choose to go that direction? I”ll tell you for free- it is the only language the administration understands. Violence is not the best way to handle issues but when negotiations fail what else are they supposed to do?

Of course am not with those rascals who strike because of power blackouts or hike in fare by 5 bob. Those ones are nincompoops who don't want to study. In UON for instance, the institution should come up with regulations on vieing for elections. Something like limiting terms for leaders so that there are no leaders for life.

The comrades should strike without any destruction of property. Like what has someone passing at the highway have to do with your problems? What has a trader who is going about their hustle have to do with you? I remember someone tweeting that he will never employ a UON graduate because of what they did to his car during one of their strikes. The public won't have a good image of you for pete’s sake.

Institutions of higher learning, especially public ones, should open channels of communication with their students. This is because in the long run these strikes will damage their reputation. Communication has been neglected in the past but I can assure you that it works.

By: Mercy Simatwo

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STEALING -THE ULTIMATE GAME CHANGER IN KENYA

Image: Standardmedia group.

Over the weekend I read a piece and someone was arguing that behind every great fortune lies a great crime. What crossed my mind is the several corruption scandals in the country. It reminded me of an expose that John Allan Namu did on KTN last night dubbed “Kanjo Kingdom.”

Police officers illegally milk a fortune from traders and hawkers. John Allan Namu further broke down the figures by saying that the amount of money Kanjo Kingdom acollects in bribes is enough to pay school fees for 811,000 students for 1 year. They make quite a fortune. And this is just free money. It feels like someone earns 10 bob and pays a bribe of 12 bob. A hardworking Kenyan has to pay the price.

Lately it feels that everyone is just out to make money. Integrity is not as paramount as such. People get into public office and despite the fact that they are paid so well, they loot millions. It totally pisses me off that tax payers money is being misused. We thought devolution was going to be the ultimate game changer but it feels like it is our downfall. Looks like most importantly corruption was devolved.

If millions of money were not being looted, the standards of living would be better. What would be the situation if money set aside would be used for a constructive purpose? Some legislators act like the money belongs to them. Hello, that is taxpayers money.

Okay. Its Monday. I don't want to be angry and bitter at the beginning of the week. Enjoy your week people. God bless.

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